OC Culture | BYOG: The 3 Things They Don’t Tell You About “The Fairytale”

Thursday, Aug 2nd, 2012

OC Culture | BYOG: The 3 Things They Don’t Tell You About “The Fairytale”

By | khoLi

I think I’ll avoid the formal introductionand just jump right into this! I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other in the coming weeks! Remember last week when we posted this J-Lo video discussing new love with her hot new choreographer boyfriend? Did you love it? Do you, too, now want the fairytale? Great! We’ll all just run out and find a fine dancer tomorrow and live happily ever after … while on tour. Can I tell you a secret? We probably won’t. Why? Because, what we imagine to be a fairytale love is usually a lie. Let’s keep it real. We imagine meeting someone tall, dark, and handsome, a huge wedding (maybe), and then living the life of some mystical basketball wife.

But when you really think about it, Ariel had to leave her entire family for love, Tiana had to battle poverty in New Orleans while dodging her future husband’s head hunter (a husband whom she originally met as a frog), Belle lost everything, and then had to endure an emotionally abusive relationship before uncovering the beautiful human being hidden inside of her prince … and really … we DO NOT need to get started talking about some of these basketball marriages. We just … don’t.

What am I saying?

I’m saying there are 3 THINGS THEY DO NOT TELL YOU about the fairytale! Luckily, you have me! Over the next 3 weeks, we’ll be discussing the 3 things you need to know when looking for, engaging in, and building upon that fairytale romance.

Lesson #1: Disappointment is Inevitable

Ladies, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but there are multitudes of ways that we let disappointment taint our love.

CUT IT OUT.

Here’s what we do: We lie to ourselves.

We recreate our significant others in our heads as gods- beings incapable of wrongdoing. When they fall short of this vision (instead of asking ourselves how we contributed to this), we distance ourselves from our lovers, and begin to fault them.

Here’s what else we do: We create unnecessary frustrating comparisons.

We’re either irritated by the fact that the girl in the adjacent cubicle for some reason refuses to take that giant bouquet of flowers home (the ones her boyfriend hand delivered during the work day as though he has nothing better to do than make her smile) … and now we can’t understand why we didn’t get flowers.

We’re sad that our significant other isn’t acting exactly as they did yesterday. Like “How dare he exercise his rights as a dynamic human being to change his personal habits without telling me?!”

We’re chastising ourselves for where we are in our lives … and now we’re looking at our significant other like “You know what? You ain’t all that, either!”

We’re wondering, “Why can’t I just have that Jay and Bey love?!”

Here’s what they don’t tell you: Everything is exactly as it should be – even the things that don’t work out.

Wherever you are, whomever you’re with right now in your life … it’s all good.

If you’re not happy, get happy – within yourself, not by changing anyone else to meet your needs.

If you can’t be happy with that person – and you’ve really tried – I’m talkin’ “we’ve discussed and shared and removed all the ego and are well past compromising” tried … take the lesson and accept that this person may not be for you.

And be OK with that. If you really trust and believe in your universe, you know that it will never give you anything less than you desire.

Question is: Are you open and available to accept what you desire?

Here’s what else they don’t tell you: The fairytale is every day.

You have no idea what Bey and Jay have gone through to maintain their relationship. Any idea that you do have – unless you’re an incredibly wealthy A-list celebrity married to an equally or more wealthy A-list celebrity while trying to manage a career and family and sanity – is merely an unfounded theory.

Even the theories don’t matter.

Why?

Every relationship is between two distinct, real, and changing people. I can almost guarantee that the only thing unchanging about your love is the love. But, that, beauties, is the fairytale: the love.

Question is: What are you willing to do to keep it?

We’ll get to that next week!

In the meantime,

Be Your Own Girlfriend